I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude i'm inner monologue high
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
