my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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