drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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