I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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