not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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