I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
