so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
