I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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