bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
