I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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