it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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