U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
