You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
