She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
