im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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