dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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