He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I believe in your delicious
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
