i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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