She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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