That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
