hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
