where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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