if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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