Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
