Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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