Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
