Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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