Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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