You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
