Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
