she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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