if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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