apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
