last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
