think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
