$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
