He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
