remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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