he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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