I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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