and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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