oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
