You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
