there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
