He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
