Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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