I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
