In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
