I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
