My friends, they love my intelligence
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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