this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
