I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
