My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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