When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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