so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
