I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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