And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
