Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize