in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
