Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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