what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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