wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
