You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
