I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
