is your mom at the bar?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
