that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
