drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
