dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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