is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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