Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
