the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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