I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So many bounce houses so little time
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
