Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
