I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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