Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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