He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
