If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
