sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
