That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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