my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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