stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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